The Great Cleanse, Day 1

So Fiancee and I just got back from the eating tour of Tejas.  We spent 6 days feasting our way from Houston to Austin to Fredericksburg to Dallas and back to Houston.  We ate out for 16 of the 18 meals we consumed... here are a few of the restaurants we frequented: Chuy's, Magnolia Cafe, Kerbey Lane, Sonic, Indika, Shady Grove, Taco Cabana, Beck's Prime, Einstein's Bagels, Starbucks, Subway, Pappasito's, and Goode Company.  We ate in twice- once for lunch in Fredericksburg when Fiancee met the extended family, and once in Houston when we got food at Central Market and took it home. 

Here's a run down of some of the food I ate: cheese enchiladas, queso (I think I ate this for breakfast, lunch and dinner one day), chips, tortillas, beans, rice, creamy jalepeno dip (heaven in a bowl), sushi (vegetarian, of course), cheese, an olive baguette, bagels, root beer float, red licorice strings, a veggie sub, a plate of Indian food that I couldn't name, naan, nachos, an orange frozen drink, veggie chili, salad, mag mud (queso, black beans and avocados), pickles, a baked potato, margaritas... the list goes on and on.  And on.  And on.

So now we're back in B'more, and we've both gained about 7 lbs each, which, honestly, is the birthweight of a reasonably healthy newborn.  And that 7 lbs is on top of the weight I gained from last time (when I quit watching the food intake and just consumed madly).  So enter in the Master Cleanse.

I did the Master Cleanse about 4 years ago- the summer I first started watching "the Girls Next Door" and fell in love with cheesy reality tv.  I would gulp down my salt water flush and tivo through an episode- then run to the bathroom... then watch another episode... then run to the bathroom... repeat cycle.  I lasted about 7 days on it- then when I started to feel woozy, I gave in.  My boyfriend at the time shook his head at me the entire time, and encouraged me to stop way before I was seeing waves.

So fast forward to last night.  Fiancee decided he'd do the cleanse with me (was even excited about it!  Said he was looking forward to doing it with me!), so we go out to the local food market in search of lemons, grade B maple syrup, distilled water and smooth move tea.  Epic fail.  Local food market does not stock anything less than grade A maple syrup (but let's be clear, really they only stocked the high fructose corn syrup version of maple syrup), and they certainly didn't stock smooth move tea.  So we bought our billion lbs of lemons and 4 gallons of water, and took off for the natural foods store that was next door.  Enter there- only to find that the container of maple syrup was $34.  Holy Hell!  So we left that dusty container there and went on our way to complete the rest of our errands (including returning a very used carry-on bag to Eddie Bauer and getting a refund on it- did you know you could do that?  To be fair, I put that money towards a new bag... but still!  That's awesome!).  We stopped by Whole Foods on the last leg of the trip and found the same size of syrup for $18 per container, so we bought two of those (and some sushi for me as my last meal).  Before we went to sleep, we took the laxative tablets (which we found in place of the tea- plus, who wants to drink hot tea in the summer?) and hoped we'd make it through the night.

Which brings us to this morning.  There were supposed to be two sets of house repair people coming by- and I didn't want both of us sitting in the bathroom while they were here... so I let Fiancee go first with the salt water flush.  Poor guy.  If you've drank salt water before- you have an idea- but it's not until you drink an entire quart of salt water (ON PURPOSE) that you will truly understand.  I've learned to drink it through a straw- and to put the straw as far back on your tongue as you can, and to bite the straw as you suck.  It goes a lot faster, and with less gagging.  Oh yes... gagging.  It's truly a delightful way to start your day!

And then hang out for an hour or so (well, more like 30 minutes) til your belly starts a rumblin', and then hold on a minute- then book it to the bathroom.  And stay close to the bathroom, b/c really, for the next hour and a half, all that crap your body has been storing up comes flowing out.  Another thing I learned was to buy the moist wipes that are flushable.  That makes your hiney a little bit happier.

Then finally you get to start consuming your "food" for the day- a lemonade mixture that you should create right before you consume it- as the enzymes start to die right away (or something).  2 tbls of fresh lemon juice, .1 tspn cayenne, 2 tbls Grade B maple syrup, and a cup of distilled water.  Delicious!  Well, actually, I haven't had mine yet this morning- I'm still working my way through the barrage of poop.  When Fiancee had his first sip- the arms went flapping and there was a bit of dancing... a little cayenne goes a long way!

So we'll see... I'll give my belly a chance to calm down before imbibing my first glass of lemonade...  and I'll keep you updated as the days continue.  Our goal: 10 days.

Weight: 173.4 this morning.